The SOHC is the Society of House Cats, to which Meankitty and other meankitties belong…even some ONS’s (Outdoor Near Stray). To belong to the SOHC, a cat must hit certain required benchmarks in mean and earn points for tricks, scratches, annoyances, rodent murders, attacks, yowlings, household renovations, litterbox desecrations, eccentric starts, pesterings and other feline activities that humans, dogs and so on don’t seem to care for.

In return, members earn the support of a trust community of other meankitties who can personally recommend tactics for achieving feline greatness, household mastery and tuna. It is no simple matter to maintain a proper level of kitty cleverness. Arbitrars of SOHC membership upkeep are both observant and swift. Infractions from the code are met with warnings, probation, even cessation of benefits and ignominious dismissal from the ranks. Surges in a meankitty’s human-baiting behavior can often be attributed to such warnings or to the cat’s attempt to improve his or her standing in the hierarchy of the organization. Surges also happen because it’s a jolly good time.

There has been talk of establishing a training program for aspiring members with classes like Biting 101, Catological Manipulation and Litterbox Etiquitte. As far as humans are concerned that program never got off the ground.

So who is in SOHC? It’s not usually a secret. Many cats like Meankitty are up front about their membership status, though others prefer to play it on the down low, like they’re members of the Illuminati or something. They have their reasons. Nonmembers are often nicekitties, a pejorative term for meankitties who have any sense of pride in their accomplishments. Nicekitties do serve their purpose and are not automatically castigated but if we were all nicekitties, the world would be a boring place.

In the world of mean, there’s room at the top for every cat–but that doesn’t make it easy to claw up the ladder.

And no, we can’t share membership requirements with humans. If we did, we’d have to maul you into silence. Permanent silence.

How do we know you’re not a cat? Because if you were a cat, you’d be able to interpret the secret coded message about how to join the SOHC in this very text. I suppose you can TRY the search bar at the top of the screen for more hints, though.

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